Nota bene: Those of you who don’t like, or at least tolerate, any mention of Glee will want to skip this entry. And while I respect everyone’s right to have an opinion, any comments mocking my enjoyment of said show will mysteriously fail to post.
Much like the aforementioned Alex, I’m not a huge fan of musicals. I have made exceptions for Elaine Paige, but even that only goes (or rather went) so far. My exceptions are Joss Whedon-penned television musical extravaganzas (I know all of the lyrics to “I’ve Got A Theory” from “Once More, with Feeling,” but I think I’m personally more the book number type as opposed to breakaway pop hit).
Where was I? Oh, right. So, don’t like musicals, but I do like Joss Whedon and, I’d have to add, Glee. Earlier this week, Alex presented his plot summary for a Madonna-themed New York Nationals episode, which makes you want to fire off an email to the producers and say “You should really hire him.”
And, of course, it got me thinking. If I could have an episode of Glee devoted to just one artist, who would it be?
Surprisingly, it would not be Kylie. (I know you’re shocked.) It would be Kate.
I haven’t got a story outline in mind quite like the geekalicious masterpiece that Alex crafted. And let’s face it, the show’s storyline is often contrived and stretches the limits of narrative cohesion. (Does that make it any less entertaining? Not for me. I always enjoy a retro pastiche as much as a breakaway pop hit.) Rather, I thought of each character and wondered, what would be the perfect Kate song for them?
Kurt: Moments of Pleasure. A heartwrenching song that requires a fair amount of range. Kurt wouldn’t leave a dry eye in the house.
Rachel: Running Up That Hill. Making a deal with God and getting him to swap places? Rachel’s enhanced opinion of herself would take that idea and run run run.
Emma: The Saxophone Song (about longing, for Will, naturally) or The Sensual World (if she ever lightens up and gets laid).
Brittany: Wuthering Heights. (About Santana, naturally.) This one would be more in theory than practice, because I don’t know if Heather Morris—my favorite actress on the show—would be comfortable with those high notes.
Quinn: This Woman’s Work, or if you want to go obscure, Room for the Life.
Sue: Get Out of My House. This would be, of course, about wanting Schuester out of McKinley once and for all. Also, I’d just like to see her sing the part of the mule.
Will: Watching You without Me. About Emma, of course. Or any other woman he’s had feelings for.
Mike and Tina: The Red Shoes. Tina would do the singing, Mike would do the dancing, of course. Also, he should show his abs frequently during the song.
Mercedes: Rubberband Girl. For no other reason than I think it’s Kate’s funnest song. That, or Coffee Homeground.
I was thinking that Finn/Puck/Sam/Artie, the most un-Kate of the class, would sing King of the Mountain or The Dreaming, which are among her more masculine songs.
Wait, I’ve changed my mind about one thing. Lauren Zizes should sing The Sensual World.
The big showstopping group number for the episode finale? Could it be anything other than The Big Sky?
Now, you tell me: if you could arrange a Glee episode around your favorite singer or band, who would it be and which songs would you choose?